I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
