Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
