I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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