What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
