omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
