Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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