Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
