Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
