It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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