So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
