i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
