Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
