all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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