Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Randomize
