drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
