How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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