Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
