so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
