You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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