I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize