i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
