On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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