omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
