i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
