I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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