we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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