At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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