Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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