i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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