yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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