i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
