real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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