I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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