you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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