I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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