Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
