its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
