I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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