i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
