My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize