Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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