I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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