He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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