I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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