I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize