we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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