remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
