I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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