Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
