Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
