Small penises have feelings too.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
